Rescue at Verin Tai

[TheDrunkenDwarf]

New fan fiction by The Drunken Dwarf.

Rescue at Verin Tai

Comments welcome. I'll even promise not to ban you if you don't like it

[Lightning]

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

I'll even promise not to ban you if you don't like it

It's a trap! Brilliant writing there TDD, though this little bit amused me:

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

The hammer silently smashed into the guard’s temple and he rocked backward under the blow and then staggered to his right. The dagger dropped from his hand as his arms fell to his sides.

My first thought here was "sloppy". The dagger falling to the ground could potentially have made quite a lot of noise. This is why tanks are not best suited to stealth.

That aside, truly first class! The role of the Inquisitor is just as I'd imagined it.

[Zenya]

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

The black cloaks didn’t simply lack compassion… they drew it out of the air around them and turned it to fear and dread.

I like the emotional impact of your portrayal here (and this is just one fine example of many you have in your story). I find that adding a pinch of emotion (either named directly or merely hinted at) to most descriptions draws the reader in and brings a story to life.

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

If the black cloaks are the Mother’s fury, then the gray cloaks are her embrace...

An artist once told me something I have never forgotten. He said, "if you paint evil into a work of art, be sure to include something good and soft, however small. If you do, the contrast will bring the evil into sharper relief."

This is a great example of how that can be done in a story.

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

A dim blue glow surrounded him as he channeled the Mother’s power and clouds instantly formed to block out the moon’s light. “Quickly!” he whispered. “The Mother’s shadows will last a few minutes at best.”

What a cool Dread Knight skill! Just like the one you mention later in the story, where a DK transfers injuries from a friend to a foe.

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

Morgait drew his sword and nodded and Garan opened the door. Morgait burst through the opening followed by Garan who held the claymore in his hands again.

Cliffhangers are great at the end of a chapter!

Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf

Two suits of gleaming armor stood watch over stranglewood door leading to the inner portion of the tower, their crossed halberds making an arch over the door. Several tapestries depicting Denoon’s followers at worship adorned the walls. The marble floor showcased a blue and gold mosaic in the crescent shaped symbol of the Eldanar Cult. The jasmine scent was stronger here as a small table held a tray of freshly lit incense cones.

I like the detailed description here; it's like watching a movie. Mentioning the scent is a very nice touch, too!

Your story is a really enjoyable read! The fights are clever, smooth and easy to follow and the epic battle at the end with the daemon is very exciting! Very good job! You must be proud 8).

[ThunderAxe]

What a great read! I sat here in my office, oblivious to the world around me as I was drawn into the tale.
Excellent depiction of two sides of the coin and a great example of how two very different archtypes can work together for a common goal.
I especially enjoyed the wary and grudging respect the two showed each other. Though they both battle for the Night Mother, they have very distinct and disparate ideas on what constitutes a successful mission.

Cheers!!

[Tazzrin Jaegernaut]

I like Garan's last quote where he must return to the tower to punish the high priestess for her acts against Mother. Truly shows the relentlessness of a dread knight.

[radhazg]

I liked the idea that completing the mission for the DK was more focused on stopping it whatever the costs, If there was an option like this in the game, I would love it. I was a bit puzzled at his reluctance at the end to kill her, but I suppose it follows along the lines that DK's aren't evil by definition. Which was another cool bit, the fact that someone finally used a paladin of a dark diety! Simply awsome for me, the fact that a) these Night Mother worshipers were more neutral than evil, (wow you can be dark but not evil? *heavy sarcasm*) and b) the fact that, in the end, holy power is holy power. surprise surprise, even dark dieties can heal. It was cool that the paladin didn't use a bunch of "glowing" powers either, his spells had a definite effect, but it wasn't all yellow and white sparkles and such nonsense. Holy power from a dark goddess really shouldn't be all that shiney, and I liked that. Good short story, made for a good read.

still loving the whole dark = neutral thing. they use it a bit in kingdom hearts and kingdom hearts 2, which was a bit odd since I would think disney would have everything all happy and shiney. glad they didn't do that, makes for a good game.