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Game Addiction: It is real!
Game Addiction: It is real!
Published by Aredhel
11-08-2005
Game Addiction: It is real!

Someone recently mentioned being fearful of Vanguard: Saga of Heroes finally starting up and, in my overly serious and realistic way, I took this to be something that many people really do need to consider. I started answering his post, but then thought that maybe some of the lurkers really didn't want any further information, so I decided to answer it this way instead.

If you have an "addictive personality," there are many things that that can serve as hosts, such as golf, fishing, needle point, cleaning (*shudder*), hunting, crossword puzzles...you get the idea. Anything can feed the need. You can almost equate it to OCD (obsessive/compulsive disorder) at times. Some people just can't stop!

There have been marriages because of games, but I'd wager there are more divorces and this is the fault of both parties in the relationship, not just the gamer. There has to be some mutual understanding and maybe even willingness to try gaming yourself to really make it work. However you also need to agree to limit the time spent and continue to have quality time with family! Parents need to limit their kids playtime and children (of all ages) need to learn to budget their time to include situations like game death, CR, raids, whatever. If you think a raid is going to take you longer than you have, don't start! CR? ugh, well....Two possibilities here: Ask your folks/spouse/friends for an extension but don't make it a habit (and this really isn't the best idea!!) or hopefully you'll find someone that will be able to help you at another time.

There have been many papers written on this! Nicholas Yee wrote one where he actually tracks some excellent data over a period of time!

Quote:
"It is not hard to show that MMORPGs are very compelling and require huge time investments that many players are willing to give."
Cybrephoenix also wrote a good article in which he looks at different variables and actually cites other research done on the subject.

If you're determined to play but realize you have a problem getting addicted to games, make yourself a schedule. Let your friends know and have them help you! We've done this for others. I'd literally tell someone that their time was up and go turn off the lights! Guilds can be great support groups! I've seen it repeatedly over the past 5+ years that I've been playing and even worked with/helped a life coach on some things!

You can do it too! If you're married, ask your spouse to help you. If you live at home, ask your parents. Be very up front with people, and be very honest with yourself, as well. If you don't think you can do it, or it will become a battleground, then don't start. If there turns out to be a problem, intervention is not out of line! I've seen people lose their religion (honestly!) over a game. Flunk out of school. Lose their families and friends! But you can't blame the game!

I've always told my friends that real life comes first. School, work, family, whatever. Iz twue...iz twue!!!

So, regardless of that having been a "real" article or not, there are still many out there who will face this question or issue in the future. We don't want any more sites like "EQWidows" starting up. I know that things like this do hurt people all over. Not just the ones directly involved. Ask Brad McQuaid if he ever intended for one of his worlds to cause heartache in or out of game. I know for a fact that the question, itself, would hurt him! So, what can we do? Stop a problem before it becomes one. Be smart! Know your limits! Love your real life and love those willing to help you and those who play with you, as well!

Have fun!
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  #1 (permalink)  
Damina on 11-08-2005, 08:37 PM
Re: Game Addiction: It is real!

MMO's aren't the only online games that can cause heartache, divorce, or marriages to happen. People look at EQ - because it's a big name - but never consider that someone may have ended a marriage because of pogo (www.pogo.com) or msn messenger. A person you meet online can be anyone they say they are, or anything you think they are. IMHO you don't end your marriage because of the game, as the game was only a symptom of a much bigger problem.

However, I am a person with an addictive personality (which is why I won't try drugs) and fell into the hole that was EQ. It was just a fun game to me, until I met someone who filled a spot that was empty - and I hadn't realized just how empty it was until that point. Thankfully, my marriage was strong enough, and we were able to over come this problem. My husband will never forget the things that happened, the 'other' man will never forget how we felt towards each other, and I will never forget that I nearly lost it all, but not because of a game. I can't stress that enough.

I won't discuss my opinion about EQ Widows.... I'll save that for another day.

Good Article Aredhel (I keep thinking it's Aradhel) one day you should post a story on how you got that name It's interesting and masculine! (Giggle)

What really sucked was my husband played with me. I met this other man in a different aspect of the game... Even if your sig. other plays EQ with you, things can go awry. One thing people should remember though, is it ISN'T the games you play that ruin your life. It's just a symptom (as I've said) of a much bigger, uglier problem.

Or did i totally lose track of the original thought?
Last edited by Damina : 11-08-2005 at 08:45 PM. Reason: I put in a word that didn't belong :)
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  #2 (permalink)  
Arctic_Slicer on 11-08-2005, 11:53 PM
Re: Game Addiction: It is real!

In high school I took a class called adult roles and responsibilities. One of the things we talked about in that class is that couples usually fight about the more trivial things in their relationships while avoiding discusion the bigger problems that really causing trouble in the relationship. Alot of time you will see people argue about watching television or playing games when the real problem is that their teenage son has been stealing money and taking off in the middle of the night. Alot of times couples don't really want to talk about that but the stress the situation is causing ends up with one blowing up on the other condeming whatever it was they happened to be doing at that time.
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Pirotess on 11-09-2005, 08:33 AM
Re: Game Addiction: It is real!

We have a saying in our guild that Real Life comes before Guild and Guild comes before yourself. We also like to remind people that Balance is crucial when it comes to real life and gaming. Giving up something you love for something else you love is just going to cause resentment. While its true that a significant other is far more important than a typical game, MMORPGs arent just games anymore. They are a place to be with your friends, something you may not be able to do in real life for a multitude of reasons. Therefore trying to take away someones friends by making your significant other choose between 5-500 friends or you is not a good way to endear yourself to them. Relationships are about compromise and this situation requires precisely that.
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  #4 (permalink)  
Arctic_Slicer on 11-10-2005, 06:33 AM
Re: Game Addiction: It is real!

One of my favorite and most quoted sayings is "good relationships are built on truth, trust, and honesty". This is true for both your significant others, children, parents, online friends, or even your coworkers. Most guild events are planned weeks in advance which would allow you to make plans with your family. If your guild normally raids every saturday it is best to be honest about it with your family and let them know that your friend are counting on you to be there. Likewise if you have an evening with the familiy planned or a vaction you should also be able to tell the guild that you wont be able to make it that night well in advance so they can plan accordingly. Remember we are talking about your friends and family. They will usally support your descisions as long as you are honest with them and re-enforce the trust your relationship is built upon.
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  #5 (permalink)  
tianya on 11-13-2005, 09:33 AM
Re: Game Addiction: It is real!

Granted these games are not the only thing that ruins lives,living in reno for a year now has learned me somthing,i have seen many peoples lives ruined because of gambling,i for one have no intrest in gambling and i have gone to the casinos a few times it is easy for me to walk away,with eq i got very addicted and i am not 1 that has an addictive personality,i can do without if it was to make a negative impact on my life,but with eq i lost almost everything,lost my jobs,lost an ex(was gonna happen anywayz)almost went homeless,i am so glad i dont have children.it wasent till like 2 years ago that i noticed my life going down hill because of the game,it has taken till now to get back to normal.i dont understand why this game got a hold on me like it did,i mean yea it was a great game and all but to lose yourself like that,i guess it is right up there with why i cant understand why one would take their life or kill another because of a game,as i said i do not have an addictive personality.And i know alotta doctors out there will say well you must have been missing somthing in your life to let that happen or you are or were insecure with reality,neither of these were true of me,i am secure in everyway imaginable,so why would this take hold on a person that is,outgoing,secure,kinda happy with life and very much a realists?
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Greymain on 11-13-2005, 10:35 AM
Re: Game Addiction: It is real!

I am not a great socialite and have a vivid imagination which has drawn me to MMORPG's. It is a form of addiction but I do now have it under control.

The main draw for me is that in the virtual world all the players are equal in health and body and very importantly anonymous. I can make friends who do not judge me on my race, colour, age, health, vocation, religion or politics.

I found that I was becoming more involved with the game world than real life with its stresses and complications. Being happely married I took note when my wife decided that spending more time in-game than at work left very little time for her, I reluctantly passed the position of Guild Master to another and reduced my play time.
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