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Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf
The black cloaks didn’t simply lack compassion… they drew it out of the air around them and turned it to fear and dread.
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I like the emotional impact of your portrayal here (and this is just one fine example of many you have in your story). I find that adding a pinch of emotion (either named directly or merely hinted at) to most descriptions draws the reader in and brings a story to life.
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Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf
If the black cloaks are the Mother’s fury, then the gray cloaks are her embrace...
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An artist once told me something I have never forgotten. He said, "if you paint evil into a work of art, be sure to include something good and soft, however small. If you do, the contrast will bring the evil into sharper relief."
This is a great example of how that can be done in a story.
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Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf
A dim blue glow surrounded him as he channeled the Mother’s power and clouds instantly formed to block out the moon’s light. “Quickly!” he whispered. “The Mother’s shadows will last a few minutes at best.”
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What a cool Dread Knight skill! Just like the one you mention later in the story, where a DK transfers injuries from a friend to a foe.
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Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf
Morgait drew his sword and nodded and Garan opened the door. Morgait burst through the opening followed by Garan who held the claymore in his hands again.
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Cliffhangers are great at the end of a chapter!
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Originally Posted by TheDrunkenDwarf
Two suits of gleaming armor stood watch over stranglewood door leading to the inner portion of the tower, their crossed halberds making an arch over the door. Several tapestries depicting Denoon’s followers at worship adorned the walls. The marble floor showcased a blue and gold mosaic in the crescent shaped symbol of the Eldanar Cult. The jasmine scent was stronger here as a small table held a tray of freshly lit incense cones.
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I like the detailed description here; it's like watching a movie. Mentioning the scent is a very nice touch, too!
Your story is a really enjoyable read! The fights are clever, smooth and easy to follow and the epic battle at the end with the daemon is very exciting! Very good job! You must be proud 8).